Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
