I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
