you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
