Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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