i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
