I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
