I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
