you guys were way drunker than both of me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
