Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
