I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
