Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
