I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We are two peas in an std pod
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
