Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize