sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
