Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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