wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I need water and some morals
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
