peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
two words: eviction party
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
