I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
