so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
