good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
