we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
