new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
