I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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