My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
