I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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