Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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