I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
