did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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