Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just puked most of my soul out..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
