I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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