Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just threw up on my dentist
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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