I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
