her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
