Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
