Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
