New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
