please come you make the beer taste better
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
