Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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