i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
