You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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