I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
