Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
