he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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