3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
