Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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