you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
