my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
