Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
