We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
