this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
