If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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