he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
