Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
