youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
