Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize