Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
