I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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