if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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