I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
