My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize