I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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