Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
