a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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