there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
