it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
