just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She bit a glass in half.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
