you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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